The IRS decided to audit Grandpa, and summoned him to the
IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his
attorney.
The auditor said, “Well,
sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you
explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that
believable.”
“I’m a great gambler,
and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?” The auditor thinks for a moment and
says, “OK. Go ahead.”
Grandpa
says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
Grandpa removes his glass eye and
bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my
other eye.”
The auditor can tell
Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites
his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three
grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?”
Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side
of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a
drop anywhere in between.”
The
auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides
there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees
again.
Grandpa stands beside
the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make
the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates
all over the auditor’s desk.
The
auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a
huge win. But Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you OK?” the auditor asks.
“Not really,” says the attorney.
“This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me
twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your
desk and that you’d be happy about it.”
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