Pup Antics

Fail to close the doors to a bathroom at your own peril.....

 

Pup Antics

 

This is what happens when you get the creeping impression that things have been too quiet for too long.

And the dog is nowhere to be seen.

The dog will have quietly slunk into the bathroom to filch a roll of toilet paper.  Made herself comfortable on the bed.  And efficiently unrolled and shredded it.  Ingesting an unknown amount in the process.

This too shall pass.....

Undone

Note to self.

If you leave the bathroom window open and the prevailing winds are out of the northeast there is a high probability that a steady breeze is going to unspool an entire roll of toilet paper.

 

Embracing the Zealotry

click on the Pharisee for a better look

Back in the time of Christ there were Jews who resisted Roman rule.  Tough hombres they frequently responded violently.  As a matter of fact some biblical scholars associate Jesus with this movement. When the Romans put Jesus to death the title over the cross read:  This is the King of the Jews.  

It may be that Pilate condemned Jesus to death because he believed him to be a violent nationalist and Jewish revolutionary.  On the other hand I have some issues about the obvious inconsistency of an alleged ruthless insurrectionist who would preach a belief that we love our neighbors.  Biblical teachings aside these Jewish revolutionaries are remembered historically as The Zealots.

Nowadays it is generally accepted that a zealot is a person who is fanatical and uncompromising in pursuit of their religious, political, or other ideals.  Back in the big city I have become known as a zealot because I preach - and am a practitioner - of the heresy called sustainable forestry.  I am referred to with a new pejorative – Tree Farmer.  Yup, I know it sounds nuts.  Yet silly people spout this nonsense as it is the foundation of their belief system.  And that's just fine and OK by me.  In this country we still tolerate alternate belief systems.  I think.  So far.  Nevertheless I struggle with a modern day inconsistency. 

Where do these believers think their toilet paper comes from?  A magical warehouse?  Or maybe they eschew the use of toilet paper?  I digress.  

In any event, as a practitioner of the heresy I met yesterday with one of the Pharisees – also known as a forester – to walk my woods and discuss a thinning.  At the close of our meeting we agreed to general business terms and what a contract should contain.  Following acceptance of the agreement he’s returning to begin marking trees and hopefully there’s enough volume to conduct a profitable logging operation.  Breakeven is fine too.  A small out-of-pocket project is sub-optimal but I suppose we can live with that.  

So stay tuned.  And if you're inclined - go ahead and embrace the zealotry.  At your own peril...

Hurt Feelings

I have been outed.

From another online forum I have been publicly humiliated and labeled: A tree farm owner and a forest product zealot. 

In Wisconsin the forest products industry contributes $24.7 billion to the state economy. Growing and harvesting trees provides direct employment for more than 64,000 men and women.  And for every one of those jobs an additional 1.7 jobs are created in secondary, related employment.   

The forestry industry accounts for 4.9% of foreign exports and 9.3% of domestic exports. Working forests are good for the environment, providing a renewable resource, clean air, clean water, wildlife habitat, recreational opportunities and carbon storage.

My delicate sensibilities have been grievously hurt...

 

A Second Crapper

It is noteworthy that the ancestral crapper (20+ years of age and aging) is getting a politically-correct, green counterpart for waste management in the woods.

I built the original crapper of treated scrap lumber - a nice, three-sided box with a seat bolted to the top and a lid for aesthetic purposes.  It even has a large hook upon which you can hang your roll of toilet tissue.  Place it over a freshly-dug hole for the season and you're all set.  The view is rather relaxing too (which adds to the relaxing ambiance). Best of all, when nature calls  there is a convenient seat to answer that call and not have to hike all the way back to the house.  Even better than best, you don't have to squat in the woods and leave a deposit for the Labs to discover and gleefully roll-in.  For that we are eternally grateful.  But I digress.

This week I returned to the day job after having taken some time off on family business and upon my return discovered a strange gift from afar awaiting my return.  Upon my third month anniversary I have learned that my new co-workers are generous and thoughtful beyond measure or belief.   I discovered a Custom Country Crapper in my office.  Yup, here it is....

click on image to enlarge

An all-natural, hollow stump, replete with seat and a real roller for your roll of tissue.  Place it over a freshly-dug hole and you're in business.  The best part is it is totally green technology.  The stump will slowly rot and decay - returning to the earth along with the contents of the hole.  And after salvaging the the seat and roll holder all you have to do is locate another hollow stump upon-which to affix these accouterments and you're back in the business of doing your business.

During Schützenfest I'll have the boys fetch a couple of shovels and assemble a detail and pick out a location with a nice, relaxing view for installation.  Probably the north forty - about a half mile from the nearest indoor plumbing.

Raising a toast to composting toilets.   

Woods Wipe

I always ask the guys coming to deer camp to bring some toilet paper.  This maintains the domestic tranquility when The Frau inquires as to where the big bale of double rolls disappear by means of my defecating pals.

They've all returned home today and I found a couple of rolls of this:

click on image to enlarge

Blaze orange ass-wipe.  The labeling tells me this is for The Poo-Fessional Hunter for When It's Time to Unload.  It's Leafy Soft just Stop Drop and Unroll.

It appears it's available online in either stylish transition cammo or blaze orange.