Ribs And The Road To Peace

Another annual summer Rib Fest is complete and in the record books.

I am blessed to be a member of a large and growing family - McNultys on my mother's side and Gaertners on my father's side. Furthermore, under the guidance of our parents we've all been quite close growing-up and continued to remain so during our working years. Seven decades.  We've all been orphans for awhile yet as the oldest cohort of cousins have approached and commenced their retirement years we've continued to take great pains to get together at least twice a year.  

Once over the Christmas holiday and again in the summer. 

It is what I characterize as the Conclave of the Cousins.  And with this year's crop of newborns it has expanded to three generations.  Explain to me how first, second and third cousin once removed works again? 

I digress.

A tight family is a good thing to have.  Same for non-family friends who happen to rank on my personal friendship scale as other than casual.  You know who you are as evidenced by our history.

I lost a close friend a month ago.  Aaron and I went back more than four decades having met as middle school teachers in the late 1970s.  We quickly became fast friends.  Through divorce, remarriage and relocation we remained in-touch.  Chosen as a God Parent to his second daughter was both a blessing and a privilege. (She is now a criminal prosecutor in another part of the country). And while distance was a constant challenge we remained connected and took care to periodically meet face-to-face.  Several months ago we laid tentative plans for me to fly-out to New York to pay a call for an extended weekend.  His death was sudden and unexpected.  The visit never materialized.  Shit happened.  And I felt robbed.  I struggle to wrap my arms around the notion I'll not hear his voice or see his face again in this lifetime. I regret my inaction.  One more text, another conversation, a flight. It is surreal.  Grieving is not for amateurs.

As a consequence of this turn of events, if at all possible, I have vowed not to allow a reasonably good opportunity to spend time with family and friends slip from my grasp.  Who knows when your number is up, eh?

Which, in a round-about way, brings me to the part about ribs and peace.

The summer Conclave of the Cousins has always featured a BBQ or smoked rib competition.  Hence the Rib Fest moniker.  We eat a lot of other stuff (be sure to visit tomorrow) yet a friendly rib competition remains central to our gathering.

Which leads to the peace part of the equation.

Like many of you readers my family and circle of friends continues to remain polarized along those who are supporters of Donald Trump and those who are not.  Note that I have not characterized this as polarization along the lines of Republicans and Democrats.  From my own perspective there are plenty of conservatives and center-right individuals who have characterized themselves as the same yet are loathe to embrace Trumpism.

I count myself among them.  This is not a closely-guarded state secret.  Everyone knows this.

For as long as I have been aware of Donald Trump I have not been a fan.  I considered his television productions lame, his business dealings more hyperbole than success and his persona sketchy and untrustworthy.  Con man From Queens comes to mind.  Following his election I hoped he would become more "presidential" as he grew into the role. Disappointment (not hatred) followed.  By comparison I never cared much for Bill Clinton either.  Both of these hucksters stood out to me as turds in the punch bowl.  Yet, I prospered under both, accepted what I couldn't change and poked fun at my leisure.  The events of January 6 hardened my heart about the former guy.  It was inexcusable, but that's me and my value system.  Again, I digress.

Last weekend included several close encounters with the polarized divide yet nothing of major consequence resulted.  My theory is that I and my people have been witness to four or five generations of successful family history; and a dysfunctional political personality probably isn't gonna permanently interfere with our progress.  Blood is thicker than petty politics and those who seek to profit by sowing division.  Maybe I'm wrong, yet I am righteously hopeful we shall persist.

In conclusion, I know I have likely been a thorn in the side of some of my readers who happen to be family or friends as I refuse to demonstrate a single molecule of fealty or obeisance to former president Trump.  Note, however, that I have never done that in my lifetime with any elected individual. 

Ever.

Worship of mortals is not in my repertoire and I am much too old to change.  Give me credit for remaining consistent in that regard.

Yet, if I have been so abrasive and strong-willed so as to cause discomfort or sore feelings that amount to injury to a relationship and an otherwise worthy friendship I'm not changing my opinion.  I am going to take a page out of the Trump playbook and am not going to apologize.  However, I shall strive to be a better person about this matter.

You see, nobody wins a grudge match.  It's a waste of time.

We all share differences.  They may include deeply-held faith beliefs.  Sexual preferences. Politics.  Individual and corporate taxation policy.  Government dictating our reproductive choices. Practical stuff like vehicles, personal finance decisions and recreational pursuits.   Even dietary choices.  None of those nuances should interfere with valued relationships.  We should strive to be more tolerant.  And be judicious and erudite in our provocations.  We are all entitled to both a belief system and an opinion.

I'm going to try to not be a jerk.  So, suck it up.  You should too.

Move along now.

Peace....