Squeezing Your Charmin

So I'm reading my dead tree (the real paper version) edition of the New York Times this morning and right there on the front page is an article about how fluffy toilet paper is costly to forests.

You can read all about it here.

It would seem that the premise of the affronted author is that the manufacture of plush toilet paper is bad because it requires the use of real live trees - as opposed to ass-wipe made entirely from recycled fiber - and therefore should be verboten.

The all-knowing people at Greenpeace have gotten involved too. They have anointed themselves the toilet paper police and are in the vanguard of those who know better than you about what you should use in the privacy of your own privy.

Has it occurred to any of you that they might have too much time on their hands?

Anyway, the fella from Georgia Pacific stated that customers "demand soft and comfortable" and "recycled fiber cannot do it."

Well said. I like soft and comfortable. Moreover, I'm a big fan of Quilted Northern.

When I traveled Europe I was stunned at the poor quality of European toilet paper. For a continent that is capable of turning-out finely crafted German autos that can effortlessly cruise the autobahn, or expensive Swiss watches and superb French wines they fall woefully short on the toilet paper.

Have you ever used European toilet paper? It is a cross between something like deli paper and the tissue used in gift boxes. It's bad.

Getting back to the New York Times article this guy from the Natural Resource Defense Council - Dr. Allen Hershkowitz - says, "No forest of any kind should be used to make toilet paper."

Huh?

I dare the good doctor to get-up in front of everyone at the national tree farm meeting and say that.

I don't know where this moron earned his doctorate or what kind of toilet paper he uses but I want to go on the record to point out to him (and the rest of his desk-bound colleagues over at the Defense Council) that trees are a renewable resource.

Yep. They are grown specifically for the purpose of supplying the paper and fiber industry.

In the interests of full and fair disclosure I will admit to a bias. I am a tree farmer. Therefore I have an economic interest in encouraging everyone to think in terms of soft and comfortable.

So you see Dr. Hershkowitz - this is no different than growing a crop of wheat from which your daily bread is baked. Only the crop rotation is a bit longer - maybe twenty years or so - depending upon how close you are to the equator.

There is this notion in the environmental community that no tree should ever be cut down, ever. For any reason whatsoever.

These misguided souls should read more of Aldo Leopold. The man was a visionary. He said, “Conservation is a state of harmony between men and land.”

Yep. Harmony. That would be like a balance.

Trees are a wonderfully renewable resource. If you cut one down you can always plant more. It is possible to have almost an endless inventory in your supply chain to feed the vast market for plush toilet paper if you plan for it.

And you know - the paper companies plan for it. They purchase their pulp from forests that are sustainably managed.

You might ask - Why would they do that?

And the answer is two-fold and quite simple.

First, their shareholders demand it. (It is always wise to listen to your shareholders).

Second, if they didn't purchase from sustainable sources the supply would dwindle and either become too expensive or evaporate and that would be the end of it. (And it is even wiser to plan not to go out of business).

Do you think anyone over at Greenpeace gets it?

Anyway, I would encourage all of you to ignore the admonitions of the silly Dr. Herskowitz and the don't let the Greenpeace people talk you out of using whatever kind of toilet paper you like.

If these people have so much time on their hands they should be pursuing a very serious and perennial problem. That would be the toilet papering of millions of homes across this vast land during every homecoming and prom season.

Just like that picture you see above. That's the citizenry of Hustisford, Wisconsin in open revolt as they paper their entire town on January 1 of this year. (Photo courtesy of one of my readers).

Where is the Defense Council to defend the trees and the Greenpeace people to spread the peace when you really need them?

Really. How wasteful.

My Kind of Stimulus

It was a cold weekend at the farm.

With the weather turning uglier - winds out of the north and blowing snow.

Just about perfect for reading by the fire and eating all sorts of good food.

Dinner guests on Friday enjoyed pheasant Marsala, pan-seared medallions of venison - served with a reduction of pan drippings, mushrooms and capers. All accompanied by smashed potatoes and green beans (from last year's garden).

Oh, and my lovely wife's signature Door County sour cream apple pie.

Good wine too.

One of the books I read was The Return of Depression Era Economics by Paul Krugman. Mind you, Mr. Krugman and I probably aren't on the same wave length on all things political; nonetheless, he's an economist that has a knack for making complicated issues understandable. This book is recommended reading - but make sure it is the latest edition that includes The Crisis of 2008.

Anyway, Mr. Krugman was a talking head on one of the Sunday morning talking head shows and everyone was yammering and trying to get a word in edgewise about stimulus and bailouts and good banks and bad banks.

That's it. I've had enough. A perfectly sunny Sunday awaits outdoors.

So I donned my long johns, wind pants, gaiters, fleece and strapped-on my snowshoes and Girlfriend and I went out for an invigorating walk.

Half a foot of fresh snow on the level, not a cloud in the sky and 26 degrees!

We fetched the memory card from the trail camera to see what has been nibbling on one of last year's deer carcasses and hiked back to the house.

It was positively stimulating.

Some pictures are posted over at the other blog.

Warm Weather, Sunshine and Flowers

From time to time the day job sends me somewhere really nice.

There might be palm trees, tropical flowers, sunshine and really, really warm weather.

There could be delightful breezes off the ocean.

Including spectacular sunsets.

Am I painting a nice picture for you?

There is one problem with the picture though - that being that I am usually confined to a cold room in a conference center stumbling through a power point presentation.

Oh well.

I hear it is snowing in Wisconsin.

The Chief

USS CHIEF

MCM-14

Only the second US naval vessel named in honor of the service of the US Navy's Master Chief Petty Officers.

Back in 1994 I recall seeing the Chief illuminated in the early summer evening at her berth adjacent to the Michigan Street bridge in Sturgeon Bay - this was just prior to being turned over to the Navy in July of that year.

This is a Mine Countermeasures Ship (MCM) - the 14th of the Avenger Class lineage that were constructed and launched by Peterson Shipbuilders of Sturgeon Bay and Marinette Marine of Marinette, WI.

Navy blue and gold are the traditional colors of the United States Navy. The mine in the center of the shield represents the mine countermeasures mission of the CHIEF, while the crossed officer's sword and enlisted cutlass symbolize surface warfare excellence. The fouled navy anchor, insignia of a Chief Petty Officer, is further symbolic of the United States Navy's leadership. The three silver stars above the fouled anchor depict the leadership and service of the Master Chief Petty Officers of the Navy (MCPON) - past, present, and future, and honor the ship's sponsor. The stars are also arranged in the same manner about the anchor as the International Navigational Symbol for lights and shapes about the mast; signifying a vessel engaged in mine clearance operations.

There are 84 links in the fouled anchor chain, one for each Plankowner and the ship's Sponsor and Matron of Honor. The trident atop the crest denotes sea power. The blue and white surface from which it rises represents both the sea upon which the ship will serve, and the waters of Sturgeon Bay and Lake Michigan, upon which the ship was born.

Surrounding the trident are seven stars representing the seven Battle Stars won during the Second World War and the Korean War by the first ship to bear the name CHIEF, USS CHIEF AM-315. The five above the trident are for World War Two, and the two alongside for the Korean War.

Ships Motto: "HONOR, TRADITION, VALOR"

Yes, it is a wooden-hulled vessel.

Douglas Fir to be exact.

You begin with the framing for the hull.



Construction of the cold molded hull consists of laminating sheathing with multiple layers of planking laid up at different angles.

This is the strongest way to plank a hull.

At 224 feet (68m) the Avengers are the longest wooden hulls built for the Navy.

The hull is coated with fiberglass which adds more strength and stiffness.

Wood has surprisingly good impact strength however, making it suitable for damage control - and almost no magnetic signal.
If you're going to be a tourist and visit, be sure to check-out the Door County Maritime Museum in Sturgeon Bay. You'll learn more about the rich history of ship building in Wisconsin - including the latest and greatest wooden-hulled boats capable of plying the world's seas.
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Sources - Goatlocker.org and US Navy.mil

Cool Neon of the Day

While away on business I took a stroll about town.

It was encouraging to see some cool, old-school neon still glowing...

What's In a Name?

The thought might possibly have crossed your mind about how this blog came to acquire such a strange name.

I mean really - Verrückter Deutscher Campingplatz?

And what's all this about the strong killing and eating the weak?

Truthfully, if you were to stop by the farm you would actually see a sign that says: Verrückter Deutscher Campingplatz.

These are professionally-made signs by a real sign manufacturing company. They are made with the official government park service reflective brown paint and have an official-looking park service campground tent logo. They look very much like what you would find at the entrance of a State Park. They are very cool.

Anyway, when we posted them a number of years ago some rumors began to circulate in the neighborhood that this crazy German guy was going to build a campground. I had to circulate an alternate rumor that it was an inside joke.

The story goes like this.

Both my wife and I have German surnames. Everyone thought we were crazy to purchase this tired and worn farmstead. Furthermore, they thought we were even crazier to stop farming it and plant all these trees. That is the crazy German (verrückter Deutscher) part of the equation.

Back in the early days we did a great deal of camping here on the farm. Those were the days predating the trailer home. (The trailer home era is another story altogether).

The ancestral campsite is still here. Including a fire ring complete with homemade tripod and fire grate and an outdoor crapper too. That completes the camping (or campingplatz) part of the equation.

As for the part about the survival of the strong and the weak being killed and eaten that's simply my snide attempt at poking Door County's seasonally-adjusted visitors in the eye.

Nothing makes me more nuts than silly tourists. I remember bumping into one of them at a store in Sturgeon Bay not too many years ago. We were engaging in a nice chat and he struck me as a reasonably intelligent individual. That is until he said to me with a perfectly straight face...

Hey, are you on your way up to Door County?

Huh?

This geographically-challenged chap had no notion that he was already in Door County. In a word he was clueless.

You see, these tourists think that Door County is all about waiting in line on a hot July day to purchase an ice cream at Wilson's. Or queuing-up by the hundreds to purchase a pumpkin in the fall. For them it's all about vast crowds, no place to park all of their cars, massive condo developments (accompanied by condo-envy), speeding on the highways and annoying the fishermen with their wave runners replete with scantily-clad, hot-looking women.

And shopping.

To top it all off they think that the damn county line is somewhere north of Sturgeon Bay.

They certainly have no problem finding a place to shop so buy some clothing for those women.

Sheesh.

But Swamp, isn't that what Door County is all about - tourists, the service economy and all that?

I'm not sure that it's all about just that.

To be fair there is so much more.

For instance, there is the quiet rural character of the county. The side of life where hunting and outdoor sports are popular, guys race stock cars, you get the local gossip at the town dump, the Packers rule and the Bears drool and everyone gives you a friendly wave from their pick-up truck.

That's why our official deer camp t-shirt sports this polite bit of tourism incorrectness.

Incidentally that shirt is one of a kind and not to be found in a tourist store. Only people in deer camp (or those I like) can have this shirt.

One more thing about this blog.

What I learned about starting up the other blog was that there is nothing like a unique name to differentiate yourself from everyone else in the blogosphere.

Think about it. Do you think there is anyone else in Door County, Wisconsin, or even the rest of the North American continent with the same blog title?

I sort of doubt it.

But don't take my word for it. Plug it into Google or Google Blog Search and see what you get.